What a week. It’s the end of the school year and the annual time on the calendar where I go back to read Jen Hatmaker’s take on the worst end of school mom ever. It makes me happy cause, well, yep. Guilty. I stop caring in May. May is out to get me.  I mean no disrespect to people who love May.  I was engaged this month because I love May Day.  I have people who I adore that are born this month..some that you will read about below.  And yet, May tries to kill me each year.

I will admit this May has been my best in several years due in large part to a change in busy season that followed my change in jobs, but also because my son isn’t playing baseball for the first time since he was six. I was sad for a hot second, but then I realized that was an easy 10 hours back every week and I got good with it real fast. Despite all of the above, May is still lame. 1000 papers come home from school, there are school plays and open houses and a thousand schedule changes were kids randomly get out at 12:30, or regularly scheduled early days are full days. There are all the tests.  And then, the spirit weeks that are so aptly named because I definitely lose the spirit (to live) when my 8-year-old tells me as I tuck her in at night that tomorrow is dress half and half day, or dress Hawaiian, or dress like your favorite food day.  Whatever happened to dress like its the end of school year and your parents aren’t buying you another pair of new shoes day?  That would fill me with spirit.

I am truly not at my best during May because of all the things going on.  Witness this last week I missed not 1, but 2 birthdays of people very very dear to me. One was a fierce friend who despite my birthday misfire still was a part of my giveaway this week.  The literal day before her birthday, I got together with her and 2 other amazing women and she put out this amazing spread.

Nom, nom, nom. Sorry I can’t wish you a happy birthday, I am too busy snacking. And May.

I baked my giveaway bread to be a part of our get together this week.  I planned ahead for it–started the dough the day before, bought special olives for it.  But did I mention her birthday at all?  Nope.  I have consoled myself that we did have a wonderful conversation and we talked for hours.  It was absolutely lovely.  We talked about what we were all up to and about our plans for the future, our dreams, and our projects.  But nary a happy birthday was even hummed by me.

The second birthday I missed was my wonderful father-in-law, who I have known for the past 24 years people!  Literally more than half my life I have known him.  My point is, these are not casual acquaintances that I carelessly overlooked.  Oh, the shame of having to send not one, but two “I am an idiot and forgot your birthday” texts in one week. Does a text seem inappropriate to convey this? Yes. But that is our culture. And also, my father-in-laws’ text had a video of his grandkids singing to him. Distraction by grandkid is always solid.

I would blame May (more), but the truth is, I am a work in progress and this month comes every year. It is not the “surprise month.” I should know better. But as another friend and I discussed this week (also via text where I am beginning to think real life happens), we live in a finished product culture. The messy learning part is not valued. Instead, it’s all about where you end up. She tapped those words to me with her thumbs, and I about fell over. It was one of those moments where something someone says just hits you like a ton of bricks. It was the first time I realized I buy into that culture wholeheartedly.  I want to get to the end–quickly.  I want to be all shiny and polished and well, finished, but I need to change my approach. It is time to accept the messy challenging growing stages that will get me to where I am going. I am definitely in the messy with May. One day I will be at the finished product and it will be awesome to behold.  But I am not there yet, and that is okay.  I am sure May is relieved with my new attitude.

So in honor of my new embrace-the-learning, it-is-not-all-about-the-final-product leaf that I am turning over, I would like to offer this messy journey to both my father-in-law and dear friend as a belated, but happy birthday gift.  Nic, at least you got some fun bread out of it too.

PS. Happy first day of not May!

PPS.  I just found out during the writing of this here mess that my son needs to dress like Johannes Gutenberg  (of Bible and press fame and of the middle ages) on Wednesday of next week, and needs to have dress pants and a collared white button-down that fits him on Monday…before Amazon can deliver it.  Is June the new May?!?