I did it! I mean, I really, really did it. I made the pie of my dreams. The pie that was on my summer to-do list, and that I found myself thinking about during down moments in the day. I dreamt of it fairly in-depth, and I am not ashamed to admit part of it was inspired by camping food–you know the food you don’t buy unless you will be sleeping out of doors? Yep. Pop-tarts in this case. But it didn’t stop there. I found a wild blueberry jam from Trader Joe’s that might become a formal food group if I have anything to say about it.

So this pie fantasy, if you will, came together fairly quickly. It only required one try, and I think that is partly due to luck, but also partly due to my spending so much time seeing it, researching it, and planning it. By the time I got to the actual making of it, it was almost muscle memory. It also is fairly simple, despite my detailed looking instructions. You can find the full recipe here, Blueberry Slab Pie Tart. I would encourage anyone and everyone to make this for a crowd of people you love, or a crowd of people who you want to feel loved.

Shockingly enough, even after all I wrote about on the recipe, I have more to say about this pie. Or really about what this pie helped me realize about myself. I was mentioning this pie-making recently to a wise-women, and I gather my passion for the project was a bit obvious, because she asked me what was it about making this pie that made me so obviously happy.

Over the years, I have done a fair amount of thinking about why I like working in the kitchen so much. It is not only, as some may assume, because I am a foodie who likes to eat. Although I am definitely that. I enjoy the fruits of my labor, but if that was all it is, I can assure that the fleeting enjoyment would not sustain the hours I have clocked joyfully in the kitchen.

Well, I went with my stock answer of “the creative process.” And that is so so true. I love the creativity of cooking and baking. It is my medium of choice for creative expression. I don’t tire of reading about it, researching it, or practicing it. Please don’t put a pencil in my hand and expect more than stick figures. But ingredients in the kitchen, yes, please. Which brings me back to this pie.

Not accepting just “the creativity of it” as an answer, this wise woman pulled a thread from my words I hadn’t seen before. She said, it seems like you like seeing and having a finished product. YES! I felt like I had been struck by something profound and obvious I had never noticed before. YES, YES, YES! I love the moment when the cooked or baked thing is done. When there is a moment to stand back and quite literally see the tangibility of your work. It is a moment of rest and reflection that I adore. I like having a tangible work product.

This perhaps simple observation feels like such a deep explanation for why I am the way I am, and why I like the things I like. I love the wrapping of the loaves I gift here because of the same. It is a bit of intentional reflection and a focus on the final product. It also provides a bridge from my work to the gifting for someone else’s enjoyment. A small pause in between where I consider both the tangible finished product and the recipient.

So what does knowing this about myself really mean or matter? Well, other than just insight into how I tick, I think it also provides me with gratitude and clarity of purpose. I believe we are all divinely made, a custom creation if you please, designed for a specific purpose. We all strive for this purpose, and I think it is impossible to find your purpose without discovering your gift. For we all have a gift and it is that gift that underpins our purpose (Corinthians 12:7-11). So while I was definitely joking earlier this week when I (humbly of course!) informed my friends that my work on earth may be done with the creation of this pie, I do think small things can have an impact. It is definitely a bit much to say this pie is my gift–both for the pie and for me. However, knowing that I derive such satisfaction, such enjoyment out of creating and having a finished work product that I can then gift to others? That feels more appropriate for the work of the spirit. And, frankly, it is why I started this project in the first place. What a wonderful thing it is to have a Creator who knows your purpose and designs you with a love of it accordingly. This is no small miracle, but instead an elegant design by a loving Father. How could I not be grateful?