I am a planner.  I really like to plan things ahead of time. Whether that arose from nature or nurture, or (likely) some combination of both, that is who I am. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t get giddy at the sight of a yearly planner like I know some do. I am generally willing to hand the reins of say, vacation planning to my husband. But a good list I can assemble, or a spreadsheet with objectives and tasks lined out, maybe throw in a due date or two, yes, please, sign me up!

Given my predilection for spreadsheets, it should really not come as a surprise that as I contemplated my little project, I created a spreadsheet of intended receivers for my bread.  A carb loaded Santa’s list if you will to kick my project off right and create something else I love–historical data. Because, of course in 3 years from now I will want to know who I gave a loaf of bread to in the last week of March and what loaf of bread I gave. What a nerd!

So what does all this planning talk add up to?  This week my inner planner came smack up against something a little harder to please with a spreadsheet.  I guess you would call it my spirit. See, my spirit is a bit wilder.  My spirit sings songs at full volume in the kitchen as I cook; she leads with emotion and wants things to just “feel right.” In other words, planning and lists mean nothing to my spirit. So this week as I contemplated who would be my next receiver, I hemmed and hawed. I decided on at least 5 different people. Lovely people. People who will definitely be the recipient of bread another week.  But not this week. I just couldn’t make a decision and stick with it. It didn’t feel right. And then I started to become a little panicked. Maybe I should make another list? Maybe a different bread? What other planning should I do?  And that is when I realized that something bigger was at work. My spirit was not going to be satisfied with merely checking off a list.  She was demanding divine inspiration and would not be satisfied until I had stopped relying on my own plans.  Gasp!

Given that this is Easter week, you would think that I would have been a bit more in tune with the idea of God’s planning. I mean, this is the week we celebrate the ultimate sacrifice that was in the making since the fall of man. God did not plan a fly by the seat of your pants kind of salvation. There was planning, there was a weaving of different lives together,  there were prophecies, and then there was waiting.  Oh so much waiting for Jesus to come. But He had this all worked out. It didn’t matter what anyone did, what planning was in place on earth by man because the Ultimate Planner had it covered and it is was way better than anything we could have come up with.

So when it came time to wrap and gift my bread, I finally decided to give the “who” over and practice some good old-fashioned waiting.  At this point, it would be great to tell you that I selected my recipient, gave the bread, and…something dramatic happened. That it was absolutely perfect and a glowing light from heaven shined straight down.  But honestly, it wasn’t dramatic at all. I let myself be open to God’s whisper, and sure enough, a name popped into my head and that was it. It finally felt right and my spirit was satisfied. I knew instantly that was who I was supposed to give my bread to. It was a lesson for me to give up control and to remember to listen. It was a great reminder to not merely thank God for the idea of Living Proofed and then take over the project management, but to allow myself to be a part of His plans, as they are far grander than anything I could dream up.